I’ve started a new video series called You & Me on Love. I’ve received a ton of your burning questions on love and relationships and now I’m going to answer them for you!

This first question comes from Holyoke, Massachusetts.

“Does everything in my life have to be perfect before I can meet the perfect
man? In other words, no baggage, no life issues?“

Watch this short video to hear my answer.


And if you’d like to have your question answered on You & Me on Love be sure to send us an email at:

info@energeticmatchmaker.com
Subject line: my burning question about love

OR

Enter your question in the comments below.

I was at a party recently at Hubud, which is a really hip happening co-working space here in Ubud, Bali (where I’m living right now).

The party was full of creative and interesting people from all over the world. And right at the beginning of the night I met 2 smart, funny and successful single men.

D. is an international magazine editor and E. a famous documentary film maker.

They’ve seen me there a lot over the past couple of months, getting Soulmate School ready, and they asked me about my work.

So of course we got to talking about relationships between men and women.

And they started sharing with me what they found most and least attractive in the single women they meet.

So straight from the source, here’s what they told me:

Most attractive qualities in a woman:

1. Comfortable in her own skin

They both find a woman who is at ease with herself incredibly attractive. Yes, they needed to be physically attracted to her, but beyond the physical, they weren’t interested in a relationship if she wasn’t really confident in herself and who she is as a person.

2. Accepts them as they are

They both agreed that a woman who accepts them as they are and doesn’t try to change them was very appealing. A woman who supports them and believes in them and what they’re doing in the world. A woman who doesn’t criticize or expect or want them to be different than who they are.

3. Let’s a man pursue her

Both men shared that they like to be the one who pursues. They enjoy the “chase” and don’t want to be chased themselves. Each said he is attracted to a woman who invites him in but doesn’t pursue him. A woman who allows him to lead.

And now for the least attractive qualities
(remember to not let your inner critic get involved if any of these resonate)

1. Needy or Clingy

They find women who want to be with them all of the time or who feel needy and clingy really unattractive.  As I was talking to E about when a woman starts to feel a little desperate because she really wants to be with her soulmate, he actually started physically backing up. And he told me that the energy of a needy woman repelled him like the wrong side of a magnet.

2. Insecurity

Just as the most attractive quality for E & D is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The least attractive quality to both of them was insecurity. E even said that he finds a woman who’s had plastic surgery or botox less attractive because he assumes (and this may or not be so) that she is insecure and that’s what motivated the change.

3. Being offended when a man finds them attractive

D says, “Men are visual creatures. If I admire her beauty or her body let that be a compliment not an objectification” . They both felt that a woman’s reaction to physical admiration is different based on the culture she’s from. In their opinion Latin women enjoy it the most and North American women are least receptive to it.

I’m sure we could have an entire cultural conversation about this last one ;)

So there you have it. The perspective of two 2 single men in Bali.

It really boils down to one thing – Feel great about yourself and who you are in the world. Learn to be at ease in your own skin and you automatically have the most attractive quality you can imagine.

And if you need more support in this area, click here to download a simple and short energetic tool to help you increase your self love and how you feel about YOU.

Because the number one MOST attractive quality you can have is to feel great about yourself!
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What do you think? Do you agree/disagree? Do you feel triggered by what they said or opened by it? I’d love to hear!

You’re open, available and ready for love now… but it’s just not working.

There’s a key piece that you’re missing. Other love experts aren’t talking about it and it’s at the 

heart of Soulmate School.

I’m so glad you’ve found your way here.

Soulmate School is for you if

• you’ve tried all the law of attraction tools to manifest a great relationship and it just isn’t happening
• you’d rather be single than be in another unhappy relationship, but at the same time you’re so done with being alone
• you wonder if the scars from past relationships or trauma are holding you back
• your friends can’t believe that you’re still single. You secretly wonder if there’s something wrong with you
• you know that you’re subconsciously attracting the wrong kind of guy, but you don’t know how to fix it and attract the right kind of man
• you’re done beating yourself up thinking, “I should be able to figure this out by myself”

And if you’re ready to know

• the 6 powerful steps to creating a relationship that will really light up your heart
• how to clear your subconscious blocks that are keeping love away
• how to make energetic space in your life for your man so he can actually feel you welcoming him in
• what quality men are really looking for in a partner
• the key to finding a partner who will love you for who you are
• how to activate your own unique love vibration so you can attract exactly what you want into your life.

Then you’re in the right place

Soulmate School Includes

• Six 75 minutes classes covering each of the following transformational steps 

1. Reclaim Your Own heart
2. Break Up with Your Love Limits
3. Make Space for Love
4. Let the Love In
5. How to Understand a Good Man
6. Activate your Love Vibration

• Three 60 minute live Q&A calls with me where I’ll answer all of your burning questions about love and relationships
• A private Facebook Women’s Circle to connect with other amazing women from around the world, to hold and support each others love intentions and to get any extra questions you have answered by me
• Audio recordings of all of the classes and calls so you can have the flexibility to enjoy the course at your own pace
• Plus lots of great bonuses – Including the Bring a Girlfriend for FREE which expires SOON!
• 
  

Click here to find out more info and enroll today!
 

We all have the “public story” and then we have the REAL story, right?

The part that feels comfortable to share with strangers and the story that you tell only to your closest girlfriends.

Like the public story that says, “Yes, I’m divorced” and the private  story that says “He cheated on me with my best friend”.

Or the public “I grew up in a bit of a dysfunctional family” to the  private, “My dad was a violent alcoholic”.

We tend to want to hide the more traumatic parts.

The parts that aren’t so palatable or easy for people to hear.

When people ask me how I became the Energetic Matchmaker,  I usually share the “public” story.

I tell them about my own relationship history, about doing healing work, about coaching women and creating Soulmate School.

And all of that is very real and true.

But I’ve been keeping a part of my story from you.

The traumatic part.

The part that people find the hardest to hear.

And yet as it can be with big trauma, it’s also been my most profound gift.

So I decided to tell the story live in an interview with my friend Lisa Berkovitz for her Project Sweet Spot Series.

You can watch the interview above. 

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I’d love your feedback. How has a trauma shifted your life? What gift have you found in it? How has it broken your heart open?

I’m doing an experiment right now.

I’m practicing total trust for 6 months.

It started from a conversation with my friend Kim before my last workshop in January. She asked me “have you got all of your content ready for the weekend?” And when I said, “no” She said “aren’t you freaking out it’s just a few days away?”. For a minute I did start to freak out, but then I reminded myself that I had a rough outline and that the rest of the content really is always ‘downloaded’ in the moment.

I’ve learned, after teaching and doing sessions for the past 10 years, that most of what I teach doesn’t come from what I “know” logically.

Most of what I teach comes from my direct experience listening to inner guidance,  helping individual women heal their hearts and opening and healing my own heart.

So even when I’ve spent hours scripting my material, it often changes when I start to teach it. I’ll be guided to share something that has been inspired in the moment and is what is needed right then and there. Over the years I’ve learned to trust this process completely.

And so in that conversation with Kim, I had a revelation.

What if I trusted the rest of my life like I trust the guidance that comes through when I teach?

What if could access that same guidance in running the logistics of my business?

What if I could trust myself in parenting my daughter the way I trust myself when I’m with a client?

What if I trusted my body to show me what to eat and how to exercise?

What if I trusted that sharing my heart and showing up on my path was the most important factor in making a living?

Now I have to admit something to you. This whole “just trust” idea used to really trigger the sh*t out of me. My mom used to say to me “Just let go and let God” and it actually made me angry. I had to make things happen. You can’t just lay back and trust the Universe and have it actually work out ok, right?

But this revelation was strong ;)

So to quiet the voice in my head saying “this is never gonna work”, I made a deal with myself.

Let’s play a game with this trust thing. Let’s try it out for just 6 months and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work we can go back to the old way of striving, worrying and pushing. Let’s try, just for awhile, making every decision from a place of trust instead of fear.

Well I’m 2 months in now. And it’s been really friggin’ scary at times and really awesome at others.

And then I get guidance like I had in a healing session last week.

So I’m redoing my website right now (which I am so excited about, I can’t wait to show it to you!) and I recently changed my tagline to Fall into Love. And in this vision, during the session, I was told by one of my guides that all I needed to do was learn about love and teach about love.

Then he showed me a heart shaped cloud and guided me to fall into it (sort of like the Nestea Plunge for those of you old enough to remember that commercial :)

Fall into Love.

Exactly what I want for you right? I can’t tell you how many times I get to teach exactly what I need to hear.

Then in the vision, the heart cloud then started cruising around showing me where to go next. What to do next. Inspiring me to trust even more.

And that trust is opening me and guiding me in the most passionate time of creating and teaching that I’ve ever had. I’m creating the newest version of Soulmate School right now (begins April 15!) and I have never felt more in flow.

Ideas, resources, support, meditations, new topics. It all is just moving so gracefully right now.

And so…

I think I’ll continue this trust experiment for a little while longer.

What do you think? Wanna join me? Let’s trust together and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe you’ll just Fall into Love.

That would be amazing don’t you think?

Here’s another Inspirational Love Story for you! Morgana shared her story with me over the phone from her home in Los Angeles. Here are excerpts from our conversation the other day:

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You know Liesel, I’m really happy, just happy. Yesterday was my sixth month anniversary!

I’ve been looking forward to this call all day because now I have an opportunity to just talk about how happy I am and how wonderful Devin is.

Before Devin

I was in such a dark place when I first started working with you. You know what a really dark despair I was in.

I mean I was just desperate.

I’ve taken every class, read every book, and I have worked on myself. If it can be done, I’ve done it. I’m attractive, smart, funny and successful. And so freaking what? My heart just kept getting broken over and over.

So I finally just gave up and decided “screw it, this dating thing is too much work.” I kept out of it for years, and just read romance novels.

On one hand, the pain finally went away, and I stopped even longing or caring or wanting a relationship (while I’m reading all these romance novels right?). But then part of me felt like I was asleep and I wasn’t fully living.

So I decided to finally start dating again and I met this great guy who was handsome and smart. I totally fell in love with him. He was the first person that I had such strong feelings for in about 10 years.

But he didn’t love me. He really liked me and wanted to continue dating, but with no love that was a deal breaker for me. I felt that I would be setting myself up for a deeper heartbreak. I’d tasted what I wanted for the first time in a long time and giving up the dream was the most painful experience of my life.

And I ended up really stuck on that guy months and months after it was over. I was obsessing over him and just could not move on.

That’s when you and I started working together, Liesel. You really shifted things, and gave me hope. I got so much from your Soulmate School. It helped open things up and I was able to finally clear my ex out.

Meeting Devin

And so then I got to a really confident place and started online dating again.

I’ve been designing my business for this dream that in 2013 I’d be travelling the world with my guy. So in my online dating profile, I shared my dream of a life of travel with my guy. I said, this is who you are and this is who I am and this is my fantasy. I wake up in your arms in these amazing places and we make love, and then we check our email.

So I described my fantasy, and this guy calling himself “Travel Guy” writes back.

But his headshot was awful (laughs). And so I didn’t respond to him for over a month. Then I got around to looking at his other photos and deep in his photos there were one or two that showed that he actually might be cute. So I wrote him back.

We had a great conversation and made a date.

I actually had low expectations. In fact, I was shooting videos for a friend 40 miles away, and I was fighting through two and a half hours of traffic to get to the date. I didn’t even get to stop at home. And then I walk in and meet this guy, whoever he is, and I think wow he’s actually really cute!

We talked for six hours – definitely worth a second date.

On the second date he took me to The Griffith Park Observatory and he was so funny. We were looking at the stars, and he was making up really funny lies about science. He’d even packed sandwiches. We had a really good time.

I was still dating a couple of other guys who looked really good on paper, but Devin was special in a lot of unexpected ways. So, even though I was a little fearful and anxious, when he asked me to be exclusive after 11 or 12 dates, I said yes. And I am so grateful I did!

The List

He has fulfilled all of my must haves on my list. He’s my age. He’s smart. He’s local. He loves to travel. He’s sensitive but he still has that really strong masculine core that lets me feel soft, feminine, safe and turned on.

And he also fulfilled all of these extra bonuses like he cooks and plays guitar. And he builds things. He’s kind of like this 1950s guy who can chop wood, build fences, and fix sinks. For my birthday present, he is going to lay down a new floor for me in my kitchen, because I hate the old Linoleum that came with my place. How hot is that?!

Even things that I thought I didn’t want, like his having a child are actually in his case pluses for me. I thought that being with a guy with kids might be a problem, but it’s actually turned out to be a lovely thing.

Part of what I love about him is what a good dad he is. He is the most loving and devoted father. It shows me what kind of a person he is.

And since I’m 46, and probably not going to be making any babies I love that he doesn’t need that from me. He already has that. And I get to enjoy how much he loves her.

He says “I love you”

He first told me he loved me on New Year’s day. We were snuggling in bed in the morning, which is such a nice way to start a year. He asked me what I was thinking about. I started telling him about a closet off of my bedroom that I want to redo. And then I ask what are you thinking? And he says, I’m thinking that I love you. I think that is so romantic.

Even though I’m really gaga, happy in love and I’m enjoying it. I’m also paying attention to who he is, how he lives his life, how he treats people, and how he deals with difficulty.

And I have to say I’m really impressed by Devin as a human being. I feel like he is really a person worth investing in and seeing things through.

He is such a great guy in part because he’s not perfect. He’s human and he has realistic expectations of a relationship. He promises me that he is going to mess up. He promises me that there going to be messy times.

And he promises me that we will work it out.

This relationship is so much better than any relationship I have ever had. I’ve dated some awful guys, and I’ve dated some wonderful guys. This guy is the best guy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morgana Rae is a best selling author and a pioneer in the field of relationship with money www.morganarae.com

Devin is a travel entrepreneur www.intheknowtraveler.com 
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What do you think? How does this story make you feel? Does it give you more hope? Does it make you think about finally getting over your ex? Reconsider a man with kids? Please share in the comments below!

Last month I taught an intimate workshop about opening your heart fully to receive the gift of love.

One of the most powerful exercises had to do with the parts we’re ashamed of in ourselves. Past actions, personality traits, parts that we don’t want other people to know about or see.

The things that we’re afraid make us unlovable.

How about you? What parts of yourself are you ashamed of?

Is there a past event that keeps you up at night? A mistake that you wish you could take back?

Something that happened to you that feels like it tarnished you?

Do you have parts of you that you’re sure are unlovable?

The natural reaction is to push these parts away. Hide them. Ignore them. Bury them.

But the problem is, the more you push these parts of yourself away, the more they subconsciously act up and sabotage you.

The shame keeps your heart closed… protected… sealed off.

And then you don’t know how to let Love find you.

So I want to share a meditation with you to help you actually embrace those parts.

Love those parts.

Let them in – so they stop lurking in the shadows and wreaking havoc with the shame.

You can read it or listen to it – whichever works better for you.

Meditation

Download the audio

Start by closing your eyes, sitting with your spine straight and taking a few long slow deep breaths.

Now bring your attention into the area of your heart.

Take a few minutes to really feel your heart.

What do you notice? Is it relaxed? Tight? Heavy? Light?

Really pay attention to it for a few minutes and notice if there’s a part of you that wants to check out. Not feel it. Not go in there.

That’s ok. Just notice it. No judgment.

Now imagine a light in the middle of your heart. Give that light a color. Let that light begin to expand and fill your chest.

Now think of one part of you or past event that you feel shame about.

Let yourself acknowledge it and feel it. If it’s a past trauma you don’t need to go into the memory of it just name it.

Imagine that part of you, that time in your life. Imagine it in front of your heart.

Now let that color from your heart expand. Let it reach out to this ‘shameful’ part and embrace it, surround it, envelope it.

Let that color in your heart wrap around this ‘shameful’ part and draw it in.

Let it pull this part right into the middle of your heart.

See how much you can let in.

See how much you can love this part right now in this moment with no judgment.

Just acceptance.

Just Love.

Stay with this feeling for as long as feels natural.

Then take a few long slow deep breaths. And open your eyes.

Congratulate yourself for being brave enough to let this part you’ve been hiding into your heart.

For beginning to love all the parts of you – not just the nice ones.

When you do this then you can love all the parts in another as well. A great skill for your deep soul relationship with your love…

How was this meditation for you? Please share in the comments below – I’d love to hear…

Here’s another Inspirational Love Story to inspire you for 2013! Rachel shared her story with me over the phone from Chicago.

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Before I started Soulmate School and working with you, I had been single for a couple of years. I was at a point where I really wanted a relationship, but it wasn’t happening.

I had no trouble meeting men, things went great on dates, no problem there. But there was this piece where I couldn’t seal the deal. I would date someone for a couple of months and they’d be into me at first. Then their interest in me would seem to fade away. It was this same pattern over and over.

They would pursue me, take me out, call me, and then the minute I started really letting myself like them, maybe when we slept together, the minute I reciprocated, all of a sudden they were stepping back and moving away – usually like a fade out.

Then came the impetus to work with you. I met a guy who I really thought was the one. We had a great connection, but after we dated for a couple months, he was clear he didn’t want a serious relationship. He had just moved to Chicago and said he wasn’t ready to settle down.

That relationship made me really look at myself. He was so close to being it and yet still wasn’t ready to commit. At that point I knew there must be something really deep internally that was blocking me from having the relationship I wanted.

Then I heard an interview with you. You offered a free Soulmate Session and I knew I had to work with you. I absolutely knew you were going to help me. It was the first strong connection I’d ever had with a coach and I knew, “This is my person.”

Working in the Soulmate School group program was great – it really changed my perspective. It was so helpful to connect with all of the other women and see how closely I related to them, how I felt the same way. There was something really powerful about being in a group. I felt very supported to make shifts and to know that the other women were working through stuff too. 

As I progressed through the modules I would notice things in my daily life that would reflect what we were learning. Like when we moved into the magnetism section, it was like “bam!” I started meeting all these amazing men before I was even looking to start dating again – one friend even said “You’ve been on a roll. Everywhere we go, guys are attracted to you.”

When I did start dating, the quality of guys was really improved, really good. The guys were confident, gentlemanly, intelligent, attractive and taking me on very nice dates. They weren’t all matches, but definitely A list type.  And most of all they were ready to bring someone in and share a life together.

It was a HUGE difference from the guys I’d been attracting before.

Then I got the message that my e-harmony subscription was about to end. I hadn’t been checking it for a while because I was dating so much. So I checked it and Tak had sent me a message.

I was really intrigued by him and we started corresponding. Just from emailing I got a great feeling about him. We were both traveling so it took 3 weeks before we went on a date.  

And the first date was instant. I thought, “holy cow there’s something different about this!”

We met at a wine bar and were there for 4 hours of conversation. Then we decided to go to a popular gay bar and stayed out dancing with drag queens til 2 a.m. on a work night. I loved how he was totally comfortable with himself in such a crazy setting. It was an awesome 8-hour first date!

I was “in my radiance” all night and he felt it. The whole thing you and I worked on together about me staying open was key. In the past I’d always had a wall up.  Tak said to me later “I felt you were really open with me”. I didn’t even realize I was doing it – I think there was enough of a shift from my inner work that it was natural.

I used to do, the “I’m great, everything’s perfect” and show no vulnerability.

And of course now the moments he and I have gotten closer are always the ones where I’m vulnerable. Those are always the moments where we’ve connected the most.

So after the first date, he had to go out of town for 2 weeks. He was just finishing a year long training to be a psychologist and was thinking of moving to Portland so he was heading out on a road trip to check it out.

He wanted to see me again before he left. And I felt like, yes, I need to see him again in the light of day, just coffee – which then turned into the whole day. It was awesome – we had a really great day. I knew I really wanted to see where it would go with him. Then he left for his trip the next day.

The whole time he was gone he wrote me letters from his road trip. Physical paper letters and sometimes he’d put in those little magnets from the states he was driving through. We were in communication the whole time he was gone.

When he got back we had a third date.

He said “I don’t want to freak you out but I’ve decided not to move to Portland.” Staying here in Chicago had always been an option for him but he said before he met me he felt he had nothing to stay here for.

In the conversation he brought up the movie Goodwill Hunting when Robin Williams missed the world series game and said “I gotta see about this girl.” Everyone thinks he’s crazy and but he says it’s the best decision he ever made.

Tak said to me, “I could always go to Portland, but I felt I would regret it if I didn’t explore this with you.”

After we were dating a for a little while he said, “I don’t want to see anyone else. I really like you and I want to focus on this and see where this goes.” Of course I agreed.

From there the relationship moved quickly but I felt very comfortable going with it.

I feel so safe and really comfortable with him. I can do something dumb and not be embarrassed. I can look terrible and know he still likes me. I have none of my past insecurity with him. It just feels really solid and good.

He met my whole family at Thanksgiving and they really like him. And he gets along great with my friends which is super important to me. They say things like “you guys are so cute, you seem so natural together, it seems like you’ve been together forever.”

And it’s true, it feels like we’ve been together for a really long time. It’s just so easy.

In the past I’ve dated guys who were a fit socially but didn’t understand my spiritual practice, or guys with a spiritual understanding who weren’t able to fit into my social life at all.

With Tak there’s both.

We can have a fun time doing something silly and then we can have a super deep conversation. He understands my coaching and my spirituality and is super supportive.

And on top if that he’s such a gentleman. He opens my doors for me and he remembers the anniversary of our first date. A month after our  first date he brought one flower to signify our first anniversary and on the second anniversary 2 flowers. And he keeps doing it.

And even now that he’s not traveling, I’ll still sometimes get a letter in the mail.

An old fashioned love letter.

I think the biggest thing that shifted for me in allowing Tak into my life was the whole peeling of the onion around my heart. Letting go of my perfectionist shield and letting my vulnerability come through.

He caught a glimpse of me – enough opened up that on the first date that he saw a me in an open, real place. If I had been my charming perfect Rachel self on those early dates, he wouldn’t have been able to feel my heart. He’s very intuitive and he needed to connect with that in order to feel me. If I hadn’t been able to allow that openness, this relationship never would’ve happened.

The safety that I felt through the program, the clearing of old patterns, and the awareness of that guarding around my heart made a huge difference.  I knew something was there but I didn’t understand what it was or how to get to it. You helped me figure out what it was and we cleared it out. The whole thing happened with Tak right after our last call.

All of these subtle shifts along the way made the difference. Subtle, but tangible and noticeable shifts that all added up together – all came together and the final outcome was really big!

Thank you Liesel!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So how about you? What does this story evoke in you? Inspiration? Faith? Please tell me about it in the comments below!

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Rachel Bers is a life coach who supports women who are stuck in a rut or in a huge life transition. www.dharma-detective.com

Tak is a therapist, you can learn more about him here: www.TakSengLodro.com