Here’s another Inspirational Love Story to inspire you for 2013! Rachel shared her story with me over the phone from Chicago.
Before I started Soulmate School and working with you, I had been single for a couple of years. I was at a point where I really wanted a relationship, but it wasn’t happening.
I had no trouble meeting men, things went great on dates, no problem there. But there was this piece where I couldn’t seal the deal. I would date someone for a couple of months and they’d be into me at first. Then their interest in me would seem to fade away. It was this same pattern over and over.
They would pursue me, take me out, call me, and then the minute I started really letting myself like them, maybe when we slept together, the minute I reciprocated, all of a sudden they were stepping back and moving away – usually like a fade out.
Then came the impetus to work with you. I met a guy who I really thought was the one. We had a great connection, but after we dated for a couple months, he was clear he didn’t want a serious relationship. He had just moved to Chicago and said he wasn’t ready to settle down.
That relationship made me really look at myself. He was so close to being it and yet still wasn’t ready to commit. At that point I knew there must be something really deep internally that was blocking me from having the relationship I wanted.
Then I heard an interview with you. You offered a free Soulmate Session and I knew I had to work with you. I absolutely knew you were going to help me. It was the first strong connection I’d ever had with a coach and I knew, “This is my person.”
Working in the Soulmate School group program was great – it really changed my perspective. It was so helpful to connect with all of the other women and see how closely I related to them, how I felt the same way. There was something really powerful about being in a group. I felt very supported to make shifts and to know that the other women were working through stuff too.
As I progressed through the modules I would notice things in my daily life that would reflect what we were learning. Like when we moved into the magnetism section, it was like “bam!” I started meeting all these amazing men before I was even looking to start dating again – one friend even said “You’ve been on a roll. Everywhere we go, guys are attracted to you.”
When I did start dating, the quality of guys was really improved, really good. The guys were confident, gentlemanly, intelligent, attractive and taking me on very nice dates. They weren’t all matches, but definitely A list type. And most of all they were ready to bring someone in and share a life together.
It was a HUGE difference from the guys I’d been attracting before.
Then I got the message that my e-harmony subscription was about to end. I hadn’t been checking it for a while because I was dating so much. So I checked it and Tak had sent me a message.
I was really intrigued by him and we started corresponding. Just from emailing I got a great feeling about him. We were both traveling so it took 3 weeks before we went on a date.
And the first date was instant. I thought, “holy cow there’s something different about this!”
We met at a wine bar and were there for 4 hours of conversation. Then we decided to go to a popular gay bar and stayed out dancing with drag queens til 2 a.m. on a work night. I loved how he was totally comfortable with himself in such a crazy setting. It was an awesome 8-hour first date!
I was “in my radiance” all night and he felt it. The whole thing you and I worked on together about me staying open was key. In the past I’d always had a wall up. Tak said to me later “I felt you were really open with me”. I didn’t even realize I was doing it – I think there was enough of a shift from my inner work that it was natural.
I used to do, the “I’m great, everything’s perfect” and show no vulnerability.
And of course now the moments he and I have gotten closer are always the ones where I’m vulnerable. Those are always the moments where we’ve connected the most.
So after the first date, he had to go out of town for 2 weeks. He was just finishing a year long training to be a psychologist and was thinking of moving to Portland so he was heading out on a road trip to check it out.
He wanted to see me again before he left. And I felt like, yes, I need to see him again in the light of day, just coffee – which then turned into the whole day. It was awesome – we had a really great day. I knew I really wanted to see where it would go with him. Then he left for his trip the next day.
The whole time he was gone he wrote me letters from his road trip. Physical paper letters and sometimes he’d put in those little magnets from the states he was driving through. We were in communication the whole time he was gone.
When he got back we had a third date.
He said “I don’t want to freak you out but I’ve decided not to move to Portland.” Staying here in Chicago had always been an option for him but he said before he met me he felt he had nothing to stay here for.
In the conversation he brought up the movie Goodwill Hunting when Robin Williams missed the world series game and said “I gotta see about this girl.” Everyone thinks he’s crazy and but he says it’s the best decision he ever made.
Tak said to me, “I could always go to Portland, but I felt I would regret it if I didn’t explore this with you.”
After we were dating a for a little while he said, “I don’t want to see anyone else. I really like you and I want to focus on this and see where this goes.” Of course I agreed.
From there the relationship moved quickly but I felt very comfortable going with it.
I feel so safe and really comfortable with him. I can do something dumb and not be embarrassed. I can look terrible and know he still likes me. I have none of my past insecurity with him. It just feels really solid and good.
He met my whole family at Thanksgiving and they really like him. And he gets along great with my friends which is super important to me. They say things like “you guys are so cute, you seem so natural together, it seems like you’ve been together forever.”
And it’s true, it feels like we’ve been together for a really long time. It’s just so easy.
In the past I’ve dated guys who were a fit socially but didn’t understand my spiritual practice, or guys with a spiritual understanding who weren’t able to fit into my social life at all.
With Tak there’s both.
We can have a fun time doing something silly and then we can have a super deep conversation. He understands my coaching and my spirituality and is super supportive.
And on top if that he’s such a gentleman. He opens my doors for me and he remembers the anniversary of our first date. A month after our first date he brought one flower to signify our first anniversary and on the second anniversary 2 flowers. And he keeps doing it.
And even now that he’s not traveling, I’ll still sometimes get a letter in the mail.
An old fashioned love letter.
I think the biggest thing that shifted for me in allowing Tak into my life was the whole peeling of the onion around my heart. Letting go of my perfectionist shield and letting my vulnerability come through.
He caught a glimpse of me – enough opened up that on the first date that he saw a me in an open, real place. If I had been my charming perfect Rachel self on those early dates, he wouldn’t have been able to feel my heart. He’s very intuitive and he needed to connect with that in order to feel me. If I hadn’t been able to allow that openness, this relationship never would’ve happened.
The safety that I felt through the program, the clearing of old patterns, and the awareness of that guarding around my heart made a huge difference. I knew something was there but I didn’t understand what it was or how to get to it. You helped me figure out what it was and we cleared it out. The whole thing happened with Tak right after our last call.
All of these subtle shifts along the way made the difference. Subtle, but tangible and noticeable shifts that all added up together – all came together and the final outcome was really big!
Thank you Liesel!
So how about you? What does this story evoke in you? Inspiration? Faith? Please tell me about it in the comments below!
Rachel Bers is a life coach who supports women who are stuck in a rut or in a huge life transition. www.dharma-detective.com
Tak is a therapist, you can learn more about him here: www.TakSengLodro.com